During the summer of 2017 I was at the lowest point of my life thus far and essentially had given up on all of my ambitions. I was drowning in an unhealthy relationship and succumbing to the depression and anxiety of my life’s disappointments. I was a shell of a person, yet still had managed to convince myself that my life looked more like a Lana Del Rey song. Romantic and artistic, the pain and suffering only fueled my creativity. I was inspired by chaos and felt stronger for choosing to live with it. I failed to realize I was living in a fantasy world, one of which that was destroying every real part of me. When I stopped getting out of bed for weeks at a time, I started becoming aware that there was nothing artistic or romantic about my life. I somehow found myself at a new low and my mental health was completely shot.
In Fall 2017 something changed in me. My marriage, (surprise!) had officially fallen apart. I was now alone, severely depressed and lost. Finally, after longer than I’m willing to admit, I asked for help. I started by opening up to my family and friends. For me, someone who had pretended to be okay for so long, it was a huge step. Not long after, I made the decision to try therapy and all of a sudden I found myself embarking on a mental health journey that would change me. At the time I was just trying to find a solution to the pain and anxiety I was feeling. I had no idea that I would feel transformed through the process.
This part of my story is such an important part of my life, and I will remember it as being a time where I choose to take control. As afraid as i am to be vulnerable about my journey, it is really the best way I know how to stay honest with myself. I realized if I continue to follow my instincts, I will be successful. This blog is where I plan on documenting where I go, what inspires me and will serve as a place where I can do my part to end mental health stigma by talking about mine.